Short Story: "Shit Out Of Luck"

Officer Jones thought it had to be the most gruesome crime scene he'd ever seen. And he'd been on the force over 20 years. Several other grizzled veterans

already lost their lunch, and the smell was so ghastly that even the morgue attendant had to use a mask to filter it out.
Here lies young Daniel Gunter. Barely 16 and dead. Jones still had the task of notifying Danny's parents. They lived across town according to the ID they

fished from his wallet. The phone number listed there was disconnected. Daniel carried a cell but it was out of power, preventing them from checking his

phone book. No easy way about it, this was a deed that was going to need to be done in person.

Derrick Jones was just adding some notes about the crime scene in a well used mini notebook, while trying to direct the crime scene photographers, When Mrs.

Denise Cumberland, the homeowner, came speeding into the drive. She skidded to a stop in the gravel and hopped out of the car. Jones's fellow officers on

the scene hurried to prevent her from entering her home and to question her about Daniel's being inside it in the first place. She explained that Daniel

had been house-sitting for her and her husband all weekend. She had become concerned when she couldn't reach Daniel on his cell, and called her neighbor,

Annabelle Sizemore, and asked her to check the house. Annabelle had called the police after not being able to get a response from inside the house, despite

continual knocking and yelling.

So here we are. A house, a body, a tragedy. And you, dear reader. In the dark almost completely as to what happened to Daniel Gunter and why it happened,

for that matter. So I will enlighten you. The Cumberlands have 2 dogs and 3 cats, and go out of town every weekend. Friday afternoon to Sunday night.

Leaving the animals alone was a disaster the first time they did it, so they resolved to have a sitter from then on. Their normal sitter had to cancel this

time leaving them little notice. But he knew Daniel and they trusted his judgment. He gave Denise Daniel's cell phone number, and she called him and

introduced herself, explained the mutual acquaintance and they discussed the details of the job.

She told him the reward for giving up his weekend to watch 5 animals and make sure their house didn't burn down was 500 dollars. 100 per animal he guessed.
He had to ask his parents, and they gave him the ok. He rode his bike that Friday to the address she gave him. it was quite a ride. On arrival she greeted

him, and explained that there were certain rules to be followed. The animals had free reign of the house, the cats had a litter box that was to be changed

every evening, and the dogs were to be let outside every 4 hours. The bedrooms would be locked, and off limits. He was welcome to anything in the

refrigerator, and could curl up on the large sofa in the front room to watch their thousands of television channels, and to sleep. She had made sure he

brought his cell phone because the phone lines in their house had been less than reliable. Matter of fact, she and her husband had considered going to cell

phones only just recently, when they had wanted to order pizza, but couldn't.

Anyway, she continued. No company. They didn't want anyone in their house besides him. Bla bla bla,yadda yadda. Don't wreck the place, no jerking off on

the furniture, you know, common sense stuff. She asked if all was clear and he nodded. On that she joined her husband in the car and they quickly pulled

out of the drive and took off down the road. Daniel went inside and got comfy on the sofa. The 2 dogs came quickly to investigate, and met him with kisses

and friskiness. he petted them lovingly. he adored animals. The smaller of the 2 dogs wanted to play a little rougher than Danny felt like playing. He

shooed the dogs and looked around for the cats. One was perched on the back of the television set, and the other 2 were nowhere to be seen. He clicked on

the TV and began surfing. This would be easy money.

After a time he began to feel a rumbling in his stomach. He knew what it meant. Time to take a healthy dump. He found his way to their bathroom, pushed the

dogs away from the door, and closed it, nearly catching a wet nose in the door. As he dropped his pants to sit he nearly had a heart attack as a black ball

of fur sprang from behind the shower curtain. Evidently this particular kitty enjoyed sleeping in the bathtub. With his pants around his ankles he waddled

to the door and cracked it to let the cat out. He quickly closed the door and made a leap to get his ass on the toilet seat.Brrrrrrapppppppp..The shit came

out. Great he thought. Diarrhea. Oh his stomach ached and his asshole burned. The feces poured out like boiling water. Again and again he felt the wet goo

spray from his ass. He could feel it's stickiness all over his butt cheeks. This, my friends, was explosive.

It seemed like hours he spent on that toilet seat, and he knew he was past due letting the dogs out. Fuck, he thought he smelled dog shit. Time to go investigate. He just needed to wipe his... Wait a minute! This couldn't be! Where was the toilet paper ?! None on the roll. None in plain sight. Why hadn't he made sure before he started ? Under the sink, it had to be under the sink. He reached as far as he could to open the cabinet under the sink. He had to reach further than he could and keep his ass planted on the toilet seat, and his ass smeared hot shit sauce on the side of the seat closest to the cabinet . He leaned. Aaaaaargh! Open it came. No paper. As he slid back onto the toilet seat the shit covered the back of his leg. It felt like battery acid. Looking around he also noticed that there were no hand or bath towels or washcloths to be seen. He then remembered there was a bathroom across the house, and figured there must be toilet paper there. His stomach was in knots again. He barely made it back to the seat when he blasted more loose stool into the nasty toilet water.

He felt sick. His ass was covered in wet shit and he had no way to clean himself off. Once he was reasonably sure he could make it, he left his pants off, and stood naked from the waist down. He opened the bathroom door slowly and the smell of dogshit wacked him right up the nostrils. He was attempting to dodge the way too happy dogs and he didn't even see it. The big wet pile of dogshit. He slipped on it and fell. He landed on his back HARD. He had to catch his breath, while fighting off the licks and kisses of the dogs. The smaller dog started nipping again, obviously wanting to play. It nipped at his hand a little too hard and drew blood. Danny gave the dog a backhand and it moved away long enough for him to get to his feet. He had dogshit covering his back and acid like diarrhea covering his ass and the tops of his legs. It was warm and running in thin drips down to his heels. He wanted so badly to clean up.

He continued to make his way to the other bathroom, when the little dog he had smacked decided to take it's revenge on his heel. It latched on and bit the crap out of his Achilles tendon. It drew blood. Now his hand and ankle were bleeding, and he was having severe stomach cramps. The back of his legs were burning from the stomach acid in his runny feces. He was finally at the bathroom. When he opened the door he discovered the 3rd cat. Claws out he slashed his way up Danny's front and sliced his way down Danny's back, taking off with a loud meeeeeowwwwwrrrrr! Daniel's stomach began to rumble, and he just eyed the toilet bowl as he felt the gassy bubble build up in his sphincter. As soon as his ass hit the toilet Braaaaaapppppppppppppp. More gas more shit.

Daniel pulled up his shirt and could see the blood from the cat scratch. The claws went deep. He took off his shirt and, forgetting the shit on it, ended up with poo on his neck, ears and hair as he pulled it off. Daniel could hardly believe his eyes. This bathroom also had no toilet paper. NONE. No cloth of any kind, no towels, no anything. He noticed the dark blood stains surrounding the cat scratch marks on the back of his tee shirt. He was bleeding bad.
He leaned back and the shit poured out of his ass once more. Never-ending Diarrhea. The shit on his back and legs was re entering his body through the cuts.

He was getting dizzy. He needed a phone. 911. He felt sick and dirty and hot. He made a mad dash for the other bathroom, where his pants were. He screamed at the dogs, "Get Back!" said he. Halfway there he felt another bubble building in his ass, and he couldn't stop it. Shit down his legs. He dove into the bathroom and grabbed his pants. Searching through the pockets he gathered his cell phone. He pushed on. Beep beep beep. Shit! Low battery. he pushed talk.
The phone went dead. God Dammit! he yelled. He felt so sick He leaned back on the toilet and closed his eyes.

He awoke to the dogs licking him. he had fallen asleep and collapsed to the bathroom floor. His body smelled of shit and blood. He took a breath and tasted the shit on his lips. He felt so helpless. Dizzy, dirty. And he was going to be so embarrassed. he had made a mess, he was bleeding, he was naked. He decided to look under the sink again, his fingers felt a box and he pulled it out. Razors. He opened it and held a razor between his fingers so so very sick, and dizzy. He vomited on himself. The shit getting into his cuts was making him deathly sick. He had been sweating, he couldn't take it anymore. He took the razor and sliced from his wrist to his elbow and the blood poured out. He was already dizzy, now even more so. The pain and sickness would end soon. Yes end very soon. He fumbled the blade in his other hand and pressed it hard to his alternate wrist and sliced. All the way down. Yes, blood, so so nice. He felt high. he laid his head down. It would be over soon.

Back in the present officer Jones finished up the paperwork, and the coroners lifted Daniels shit and blood covered body onto the cart and zipped it up.
The death was a clear suicide, and after photos were taken, a crew was dispatched to clean The Cumberland's home. Officer Jones asked Denise if she would mind going with him to break the news to Daniel's family and explain what happened. She agreed and said she thought it was the least she could do.

Flash forward to the funeral. Denise was not invited but she came anyway. She tucked 5 one hundred dollar bills inside the casket and she walked out to her car got in and pulled away. She felt she had to at least pay him. She owed him. And she felt better. Perhaps that would help him pay the toll wherever he was headed she thought. As she drove into the night. I really hope so anyway.

The end.

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